Drinking and Driving Do’s and Don’ts 3

Drinking and Driving Do’s and Don’ts
Chapter 3

So we all know life can just not go as planned some times. You are a conscientious  responsible person. You believe you have played by “life’s rules”, and yet you did not receive the expected out come. Now you find yourself in the back of a police car and on your way to jail. Here again there do’s and don’ts. However these do’s and don’ts are really in a category all there own. Unlike the previous ones, where by not adhering to them may cause a small inconvenience such as losing your car and job, not adhering to these may actually have physical implications (loss of teeth, etc.) so once again…

PLEASE PAY ATTENTION!

Do – Tell the officer that you would really much rather sit in front. Sitting in back just seems so pretentious. And really, you hate receiving any type of special treatment.

Do – Smile when they take your picture. It’s just like when you look at those old photos’s of grandma and she just looks so darn unhappy. Your not paying through the nose here for a professional photographer here, it’s free. Might as well give a big ol’ toothy grin.

Do – Ask if they wouldn’t mind periodically checking for messages on your phone. Let them know that you receive automatic updates from the liquor store when beer goes on sale. And you’d be appreciative if they would keep an eye on that for you. (there might even be a six pack in it for them!)

Do – Also, with a real sweet face, ask if it isn’t too much trouble, would they mind finding a charger and plugging in your phone (Can’t get those updates if the phones dead!)

Do – Introduce yourself to everyone once you have been put into a cell. A nice warm firm handshake will set everyone at ease. It tells them “Hey I might be someone you’d like to get to know better.” You can’t have too any friends!

Don’ts

Don’t – Give the officer driving tips while on your way to the station. It’s kind of a macho thing with them. Personally, I think it’s just the typical “A” personality type that goes for these kinds of jobs. They just don’t take direction well from others.

Don’t – Ask the officer to turn on his lights and siren for you. We want to be sure that this is only used for real emergencies. The public wouldn’t take them seriously if they were used for our entertainment.

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Don’t – Ask the officer if he would mind putting your extra beer in the fridge when you get to the station. You’ve already asked him about your phone, let’s not over do it!

Don’t – Once you’re in jail, don’t just tell your Social Security number to your cellmate who is going to help you with your taxes. He’ll never remember it. Ask an officer for a piece of paper and write it down.

Don’t – Try to pass the time by starting a sing along. Some of your associates may not be able to carry a tune and spoil it for everyone. If you write poetry you might ask if they you like to hear some.

Don’t – Try to pass the time playing games that require paper and pencil like Hangman, you won’t have writing implements. Make it something simple and fun like, Duck, Duck, Goose! Musical chairs, easy stuff like that works great. And who couldn’t use the exercise!

Don’t – Talk about your love life in jail, no point stirring up natural desires. And for goodness sake DON’T BEND OVER TO PICK UP THE THE SOAP IN THE SHOWER!

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